One Comment

One comment is what started it all.

It started the constant staring at other people’s bodies and wishing that's how mine looked.

What started the multiple meals skipped until my body aggressively shook.

One comment is all that it took.

All that it took for me to disregard my well being.

And all that it took for me to cry when I looked in the mirror for what I was seeing

Ever since I was young, people would bombard me with comments about my weight

But at age 12 was when  I had finally started to watch what I ate.

I starved myself constantly in hopes that something would change.

Eventually, I limited myself to one meal a day.

But I could never be happy with how much I weighed.

7:26 am

One comment is continuously running through my head 

Barely making me hang on by a thread

Desperately digging through piles of clothes

Trying to find something that would keep me in the shadows

This shirt shows the outline of my body when I sit

My body, which is only  a dark, black pit

These pants don’t look good when my thighs and a surface meet

I guess I have to get used to sitting at the edge of my seat

As I look in the mirror, I see the person I dread to be

A small and skinny body is what people want to see

I pinch the skin on my stomach wanting to rip it off

Anything for me to look thinner for them all

I silently berate myself, “Why can’t you be skinnier? Thinner? Prettier?”  

Starving myself  has to be the only cure

1:02 pm

One comment is all it took for me to walk into the cafeteria with my arms consciously around my waist

Sucking in my stomach just so I can feel in place

My stomach painfully begs me to eat something, anything

But my mind is filled with that one comment that mercilessly stings

Nausea hits me like a wave as I watch others eat

I remind myself I have to do this to be as thin as a sheet

I feel like I need to  throw up the emptiness in my stomach

My self starvation causes a deep bodily havoc

People ask me if I’m going to eat but I respond with 4 words daily:

“I'm not really hungry”

When in reality, my head is pounding as it desperately pleads for one meal

But one meal won’t help the damage in my soul heal

So I sit there, arms around my waist, sitting at the edge of my seat

That one comment is far more powerful than my body’s needs

Wishing a different weight for my internally bruised body

7:00 pm 

One comment convinced me to hate this time of the day

Fearing the food in front of me displayed on a tray

The aroma of it all swivels my heads in shapes

Wondering if anyone would notice if I throw away my plate

Maroon envy fills the void as I watch my family eat so carefree

While looking at the table makes me barely breathe

My stomach betrays me as it calls for food

The fork digs into the plate as my mind creates a dispute

No, no, no, you can’t eat you don’t deserve it

But it's far too late as the food begins to fill the empty pit

As I give in my head yells berates me

This is why you’ll never be skinny

Lingering in my head, all I can think

Is that one comment that will never shrink

8:21  pm

One comment is dragging me like a body bag

Sinking me down into my own thoughts like quicksand

The red temptation takes over my body as I falter to the scale

Numbers shoot up as the quicksand rushes into my pockets leaving no avail

I sink and sink, till the sand turns into a storm about to stir

Maybe if I hadn’t eaten dinner

I sink and sink; maybe I’ll stop sinking if I take my lunch back

I stop dead in my tracks

There is no more sinking, yet I am left with no hope of getting out

There is no more sinking, yet it feels like I am shutting down

There is no more sinking, yet I can see my bones shimmer through my skin

There is no more sinking, yet the comment makes me sink and sink again.

8:49 pm 

One comment has me feeling the memories of my dinner

As my eyes roam around my shattered figure

I swallow, swallow, swallow trying to keep it all in

But seeing the person in the mirror makes me sick

My knees drop to the floor as I attempt to catch my breath

But I can't escape like a fish stuck in a net

It all comes out like a tsunami of my emotions

Tears flood out as I see the cold, winter ocean

The white walls start screaming in deep maroon

As my body stays put, not daring to move

Everything in my body begins to shut down and crumble

Every thought in my head gets lost in a jungle

All thoughts but one

That one comment proceeds to shine in the dark sun

2:48 am

One comment haunts me awake all night

Tearing me down making me lose every fight

I ask myself when is enough enough?

But I know enough will never come as I lost all my love

All my love for myself left the day I started crying myself to sleep

It left the day I learned to sit at the edge of my seat

It left the day I craved validation from a scale

It left the day my body began to fail

All that is left is this person I don’t recognize

My old self nowhere near in sight

One comment is all someone needs for their life to fall

One comment.