Amanda Le, class of 2025
One comment is what started it all.
It started the constant staring at other people’s bodies and wishing that's how mine looked.
What started the multiple meals skipped until my body aggressively shook.
One comment is all that it took.
All that it took for me to disregard my well being.
And all that it took for me to cry when I looked in the mirror for what I was seeing
Ever since I was young, people would bombard me with comments about my weight
But at age 12 was when I had finally started to watch what I ate.
I starved myself constantly in hopes that something would change.
Eventually, I limited myself to one meal a day.
But I could never be happy with how much I weighed.
7:26 am
One comment is continuously running through my head
Barely making me hang on by a thread
Desperately digging through piles of clothes
Trying to find something that would keep me in the shadows
This shirt shows the outline of my body when I sit
My body, which is only a dark, black pit
These pants don’t look good when my thighs and a surface meet
I guess I have to get used to sitting at the edge of my seat
As I look in the mirror, I see the person I dread to be
A small and skinny body is what people want to see
I pinch the skin on my stomach wanting to rip it off
Anything for me to look thinner for them all
I silently berate myself, “Why can’t you be skinnier? Thinner? Prettier?”
Starving myself has to be the only cure
1:02 pm
One comment is all it took for me to walk into the cafeteria with my arms consciously around my waist
Sucking in my stomach just so I can feel in place
My stomach painfully begs me to eat something, anything
But my mind is filled with that one comment that mercilessly stings
Nausea hits me like a wave as I watch others eat
I remind myself I have to do this to be as thin as a sheet
I feel like I need to throw up the emptiness in my stomach
My self starvation causes a deep bodily havoc
People ask me if I’m going to eat but I respond with 4 words daily:
“I'm not really hungry”
When in reality, my head is pounding as it desperately pleads for one meal
But one meal won’t help the damage in my soul heal
So I sit there, arms around my waist, sitting at the edge of my seat
That one comment is far more powerful than my body’s needs
Wishing a different weight for my internally bruised body
7:00 pm
One comment convinced me to hate this time of the day
Fearing the food in front of me displayed on a tray
The aroma of it all swivels my heads in shapes
Wondering if anyone would notice if I throw away my plate
Maroon envy fills the void as I watch my family eat so carefree
While looking at the table makes me barely breathe
My stomach betrays me as it calls for food
The fork digs into the plate as my mind creates a dispute
No, no, no, you can’t eat you don’t deserve it
But it's far too late as the food begins to fill the empty pit
As I give in my head yells berates me
This is why you’ll never be skinny
Lingering in my head, all I can think
Is that one comment that will never shrink
8:21 pm
One comment is dragging me like a body bag
Sinking me down into my own thoughts like quicksand
The red temptation takes over my body as I falter to the scale
Numbers shoot up as the quicksand rushes into my pockets leaving no avail
I sink and sink, till the sand turns into a storm about to stir
Maybe if I hadn’t eaten dinner
I sink and sink; maybe I’ll stop sinking if I take my lunch back
I stop dead in my tracks
There is no more sinking, yet I am left with no hope of getting out
There is no more sinking, yet it feels like I am shutting down
There is no more sinking, yet I can see my bones shimmer through my skin
There is no more sinking, yet the comment makes me sink and sink again.
8:49 pm
One comment has me feeling the memories of my dinner
As my eyes roam around my shattered figure
I swallow, swallow, swallow trying to keep it all in
But seeing the person in the mirror makes me sick
My knees drop to the floor as I attempt to catch my breath
But I can't escape like a fish stuck in a net
It all comes out like a tsunami of my emotions
Tears flood out as I see the cold, winter ocean
The white walls start screaming in deep maroon
As my body stays put, not daring to move
Everything in my body begins to shut down and crumble
Every thought in my head gets lost in a jungle
All thoughts but one
That one comment proceeds to shine in the dark sun
2:48 am
One comment haunts me awake all night
Tearing me down making me lose every fight
I ask myself when is enough enough?
But I know enough will never come as I lost all my love
All my love for myself left the day I started crying myself to sleep
It left the day I learned to sit at the edge of my seat
It left the day I craved validation from a scale
It left the day my body began to fail
All that is left is this person I don’t recognize
My old self nowhere near in sight
One comment is all someone needs for their life to fall
One comment.
This piece received Honorable Mention at the 2024 Scholastic Art and Writing Awards.